Actually I planned to review my notes, the handouts and the lesson directly afterwards, on the same day. But things developed different and so I am a little bit behind. Nevertheless I will try to summarize a little in short notes.

On day 1 the lesson was about expressing feelings and about winning and loosing in situations. Day 2 was about active listening. And it was different from what I thought active listening would be during the seminar.

I thought that all one has to do is to be attentive or to signalize attention to the conversation partner. Now, however, I know that active listening means actually listening and summarizing.

We made some exercises. On a handout there were beginnings of sentences which shall help to give feedback. For example:

You feel that… / In your eyes… / It seems to you… / From your standpoint… / With other words… / etc.

In mediation it is crucial to express oneself and the other’s point of view as clear as possible. A simple scheme shall help:

Observation: If I (you) see/ hear that…
Feelings: I (you) feel…
Needs: because I (you) have the need for…
Wish/plea: I (you) want from you (me) that you (I)…

In conflict situations the listener repeats everything he/she understood. When criticizing, it is important to have positive things first and THEN negative remarks. “I liked that you explained this once more, but could you please go more into detail about that.”

The listener shall give feedback however must not tell about own things or built “bridges” in conversation gaps.

I had my first mediation that day. I asked the course leader if I can do one. It was a catastrophe. In the morning I still felt quite sure that I can handle it. Then, after having talked so much about active listening, I felt unsure. We had a simulated situation with two aggressively shouting people. I tried to apply those new learned things but soon felt that the situation gets out of control. In the evaluation I heard that it actually was not and that it was quite okay for a beginner. Well, I learned a lot although I aborted the simulation in the middle. I thought my mediation would make no progress because the arguing partners didn’t want to listen neither to each other nor to me. I felt lacking of a “mediation-concept,” a general receipt where nothing can go wrong… I don’t know if something like this exists. -Probably not. Mediation is probably a matter of practice. That’s why I want to try it again. And by the way… not more than 30% of all mediations are successful anyway.